


So Wrong Yet So Right

by bubblegumclouds



Category: One Direction (Band)
Genre: Androgynous!Harry, Androgyny, Crying, Emotional Hurt/Comfort, Happy Ending, Internalized Misogyny, M/M, harry can't deal with being androgynous, louis is a very supportive boyfriend
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2015-06-21
Updated: 2015-06-21
Packaged: 2018-04-05 12:24:24
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings, No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 2,000
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/4179762
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/bubblegumclouds/pseuds/bubblegumclouds
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>Harry looked in the mirror. His reflection was wrong. It was all so wrong. But it felt so right.</p><p>(Or a oneshot where Louis finally finds out Harry is androgynous and is the most supportive boyfriend Harry could ask for.)</p>
            </blockquote>





	So Wrong Yet So Right

**Author's Note:**

> Hi guys!  
> Just wrote a little oneshot quickly for you people and I hope you enjoy it. I just wanna say that some of this is based on my thoughts, feelings and experiences so please just bear that in mind! :) Also, I have another oneshot that I wrote for the 5SOS fandom so please check it out as I worked really hard on it!  
> My twitter is @cutierobandrich if anyone wants a chat or to give feedback!  
> Thank you :)

Harry looked in the mirror. His reflection was wrong. It was all so wrong but it felt so right. The pointed eyebrows with the sweet curls of his long hair. The rough scratch of his stubble with the silky, creamy red of his lipstick. The crisp white of his shirt with the sleek matt of his baby blue nails. The hair dusting his legs with the course leather of his skirt. The angular points of his black high heels with the angular points of his defined jawline. The tears dribbled down his face as he turned and looked at his disgusting version of beauty. This was something nobody saw. Not his boyfriend. Not his best friends. Nobody. This was the real him and even though he sobbed and sobbed he knew it would never get any better. This wasn't normal.

He shouldn't want to look both masculine and feminine. He had begged and pleaded for him to be like everyone else. It never happened. He picked up the lipstick that was placed on the wooden desk next to the full length mirror and applied more gently as tears streamed heavily from his eyes. Once he was done he rubbed his lips together and admired his work as he began to sob. This was always how it ended up. The feeling of being himself after hiding for months on end always had him feeling this way. Right now he was wrapped in his little bubble. It wasn't perfect but it was the Harry that was always in his mind. He turned sideways to admire himself again and he sighed as he knew he had a tour coming up which meant he couldn't be himself again for a very long time. He was so wrapped up in that scary thought he didn't hear his boyfriend of 4 years, Louis, coming up the stairs. As he turned to the opposite side and cried again, Louis opened the door.

Harry's head whipped round and his face was wide in shock. Both boys were shocked at the unexpected sight. Harry couldn't believe he had done it. He had given it away. He was gonna lose everything. There was silence. Both boys static. Suddenly Harry's hands began to shake as Louis stared in shock before Harry screamed the loudest 'no' he had ever screamed in his life. Harry fell to the floor with a thud, shaking violently and clawing at his hair even pulling some out with how badly he was panicking. He didn't even notice he was screaming words repeatedly over and over until Louis was at his side telling him to calm down. Harry had lost it. He couldn't breathe, couldn't see, couldn't think. He screamed as he gasped for air, panted and stuttered. His chest felt tight and his skin felt like it was shrinking. The clothes he once loved felt like they were making him dirty. He vaguely remembered Louis on the phone and could hear phases like, “I don't know what to do.” and “should I call an ambulance?” being cried desperately until eventually everything went black, the lack of oxygen to Harry's brain sending him flying into unconsciousness.

Harry woke up in his and Louis' bed as Louis and Liam were pressing cold, wet towels to his face and looking over him. Realisation of what had happened hit and suddenly his eyes grew wide as he looked down at himself in shock. He began to shout again, this time screaming at them to get out, to look away and Liam looked at Louis as he nodded and Liam left the house after receiving rushed thank you's from Louis. Louis gently rubbed his hand soothingly along Harry's arm.  
“Alright, it's alright Harry, alright, there we go baby, just breathe for me, alright.” Louis comforted and Harry gradually started to let the words enter his head.

Eventually, Harry had controlled his breathing, Louis still reminding him if he started to panic again. He felt like a weight was hanging over him now, he had nowhere to run and nothing to disguise him. The only option he had left was to finally let the secret go. Swallowing thickly, he looked up at Louis and that's when the floodgates opened. The look of his boyfriend's concerned expression and the watery blue eyes made him feel so much worse and Harry couldn't hold back a sob at how disappointed he felt with himself. Immediately Louis was pulling him into his chest, the soft t-shirt coated in his scent is what Harry chose to bury his face into and Louis was squeezing his middle so tightly, just glad that Harry had finally come back around. Harry buried his eyes into Louis neck and let the tears leak freely until the top corner of Louis shirt had a visible wet patch.

The only times Harry could speak where when he begged and pleaded with Louis to make him normal and make him okay. After a few minutes, Harry pulled away, feeling like an overdramatic mess. Louis was the first to speak and he placed his words very carefully.  
“Baby, I need you to explain, don't worry, I'm not going to judge you. I just need to know what's wrong Harry.” Louis said with a slight smile to show that he it was all going to be fine but as he said the word wrong, it started a reaction in Harry's body. Triggering the tears again, Harry spoke , forming his first understandable sentence.  
“Me, Louis, it's me that's wrong. I'm wrong Louis, I'm so wrong.” Harry wailed and Louis pressed soft kisses to his head, letting his lips linger as he wondered where all of this had come from.  
“No sweetheart, there's nothing wrong with you, there's nothing wrong, I love you so much no matter what Harry, I love you, I love you so much.” Louis muttered, just wishing Harry would tell him what was going on so he could understand.

“Wanna tell you Lou, 've always wanted to tell you so badly, but I was so scared Lou, 'm so scared.” Harry whispered and Louis heart tore in two at the words as he fought back the tears.  
“You don't have to be scared love, I will understand, just need you to be my brave, brave boy and tell me what's going on in that little head of yours yeah?” Louis encouraged and it seemed to work as Harry's breathing evened out and the hiccups gradually slowed down. He looked up at Louis and Louis had never seen such raw emotion from Harry, he could tell this was something big. It didn't matter though, because he loved Harry unconditionally. Louis slightly smiled at his beautiful boy and Harry looked down.  
“'m androgynous Lou, it means I enjoy wearing both masculine and feminine things at the same time, 'm sorry 'm such a freak, you don't deserve it.” Harry muttered sadly and Louis gently cupped Harry's face and made him look straight into Louis' eyes.  
“You listen to me now Haz okay, I am gonna help you with this and we're gonna do it together okay, we're gonna work it out and it will all be alright but I need you to explain everything to me beautiful.” Louis said as he looked at Harry with wide eyes and a hint of a smile. He leant forward and kissed him softly and sweetly, making sure that he put as much of his love as he could through it.

“It started back in high school. I'd mix suits with my mum's heels when she was out of the house because I just thought I looked amazing and as I grew up it stuck with me but the more I grew, the harder it got because it was so unaccepted. Sometimes I'd just sit and look at people like me and wish that one day I could do that and then I'd scroll down and look at the comments a-and, just, cry because their horrible words just hit me. The hate would stick in my head and it got harder to be myself and when I could I'd just finish my makeup and the outfit, stand in front of the mirror and cry. I've been doing that for so long it just became my normal. I'd count down the days until I could stand in front of that mirror in whatever I wanted and then cry until I had to wipe it all off and put the mask back on and the longer on it went, the worse it got and it became a dirty little secret that I couldn't tell anyone. Then when you walked in and saw me, I was so vulnerable and so open and so... me that I was so worried I'd lost everything. That's it I guess, I'm just sorry, so sorry and you can leave if you want, really, I won't be mad, I understand.” Harry explained and Louis was speechless.

His boy had been hiding himself for so long, worried to be himself, worried he'd lose Louis. The thought sent a horrible emptiness to Louis stomach at how much Harry had been through over all these years. Every time he stepped out on stage, knowing he had to put a confident façade on to make everyone happy. Thinking about all the times he was portrayed as this masculine, woman's man that he never was and never would be. Louis knew a part of what it was like, before he came out he was having these rumours in the press and everyone always asking him about it when even he didn't know. He'd watched Harry go through the same thing too, adding extra pressure onto that and Louis was honestly amazed at how strong Harry had been. Louis began to reassure Harry.

“You listen to me Haz, I'm the one who is sorry. I have always assumed you were okay, always thought that person out there was you. Now I know it's not I feel like I just wanna run to the nearest shop and buy you anything you want because it breaks my heart that you have been hiding yourself. When I walked in I thought you looked so beautiful Harry, and I will never think any different, please just tell me what to do to make you happy and I'll do it.” Louis rambled and even though it didn't make much sense Harry smiled and Louis felt like the weights had been lifted off his shoulders. Harry looked at him with so much love in his eyes and Louis knew that he needed to be good for Harry, he needed to be there for him. He remembered that when they both came out as gay, Louis didn't want someone to automatically know everything. He just wanted someone who was willing it learn, who wanted to get his story and help him through it. Realising that's what he needed to do, he reached forward and took Harry's hands in his own.

“Teach me Haz, show me what you do, I want to know everything, your favourite outfits, how you do your makeup, I wanna know all the stuff I've been missing out on.” Louis smiled, knowing that was what was best for both of them to do moving forward. Louis wanted to understand and Harry wanted to show Louis. The look as Harry let out a huge breath and beamed was one that Louis would never forget. It must of been what Harry looked like when he was truly happy and Louis couldn't believe he'd ever been deprived of the beautiful look on Harry's face.  
“Really Lou? You wanna know?” Harry said in shock, his expression really showing his disbelief and Louis nodded frantically, happy that he finally knew why Harry had been so distant and quiet.  
They stayed up until 3am discussing everything and laughing and chatting and both boys were just so unbelievably happy that finally, _finally_ , Harry could be himself.

**Author's Note:**

> Well, I hope you enjoyed it! Sorry it was so short, it was just for the practice and to vent my feelings! As I said, please do check out my other work as it would be super lovely of you and I will have either an actual Larry fanfic or a way longer Larry oneshot coming as soon as I have finished writing it so stay tuned! Feedback is nice as then I know what people want to see or think I need to improve on and either comment below or tweet me, @cutierobandrich.  
> Thank you again,  
> L xxx


End file.
